Emotionally Drained Because of Hell Week

I earlier thought that hell week only makes students physically exhausted—sleepless nights, more sleepless days, heavy eye bags, zombie-like attitudes and sabaw­-ness. Surprisingly, the last weeks of the semester also bring the saddest effect on the emotional state of people.

I don’t know how the system works in other schools, but in UP, we get to have different classmates per subject. That means that if I have six subjects this semester (which is true), I also have six different set of classmates to interact with. It seems cool because I have this easy opportunity to meet hundreds of people from different walks of life—upperclassmen, freshmen, heterosexuals, homosexuals, foreigners, locals, promdis, theists, atheists, leftists, rich kids, middle class folks, poor students, and etcetera—even though not everyone will be able to touch my life. However, there are few—a handful—that will somehow do. And I just didn’t realize they already did… until the end of the semester.

I was so focused on finishing the requirements that I took little notice of the emotional attachment I already had with my newly gained acquaintances. I so wanted to finish my English 1 final project (a magazine) with my group mates that after we passed the project on the last day of classes, I just realized that it was also time to break free of the atmosphere we were sharing with one another. Same feeling goes with my two other subjects that ended last week. It’s just… sad… how we always have to say goodbye.

To be honest, some of the normal days I have in UP are boring. Sometimes, it sounds monotonous. But there is always a hidden sadness in repetition, and that can be found once the thing stops from repeating itself. It is the time I realize how such repetition affected me because it’s already part of my lifestyle, of my system. Now that it’s over, I have to start connecting bridges again, knowing that at the end of the semester, the bridge needs breaking.

This is plainly melodramatic, I know, and I’m even having a hard time explaining this (dafuq I wrote this in English). But I just somehow dislike the idea that academic is the only thing that brings people together—it is our “shared atmosphere”. And I always have a thing for “shared atmospheres”, maybe because it is normality, it is comfort zone, it is the ground where we can breathe the way we should. And after the semester, it will just be difficult to get in touch with the acquaintances I had because we’re no longer confined in a sphere that sparked a wonderful connection (and I want to get in touch with them, get to know them more, build long-lasting bridges with them).

I don’t know how to end this confessed melodrama, the same way I do not know how to get over farewell. Maybe I easily get over farewells after a good night sleep. But hell week deprives me of sleep, so it also deprives me of moving on (well, for the next four days, at least). Here we go again. Maybe I’ll just end this by saying—I hope that those people who somehow made memorable bonds with me this first semester be trapped again with me in a “shared atmosphere” the following semester. I want to know them more, the same way I want them to know me better.



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